Bleach SESHORAMA
by kalthurin
Summary: They get stoned simple as.    Watch what unfolds as Ichigo introduces his Shinigami friends to the joy's of weed  story on temporary break
1. Chapter 1

BLEACHED: SESH-O-RAMA

The gang were gathered out on the roof, school had closed up for the day and Ichigo and the others were sat lazing around in the warm evening sun.

Ichigo stood up and in a commanding tone bade everyone to pay attention to him.

'Ok now that Rukia and Renji along with Ikkaku and Yumichika are here on Vacation for once rather than work, I can officially call to order their indoctrination into the Friday Sesh-o-rama.'

This statement was met with scattered applause from Uryu and Orihime and a sturdy thumbs up from Chad, while Tatsuki sat there and nodded.

'Right to kick things off, I say we start with our usual trickle of Marley home grown courtesy of Uryu and his magic lamps'

The Four Shinigami sat there looking perplexed as Ichigo Reached into the Air conditioning unit and pulled out a large plastic medical waste bag that was tapped to the inside.

Holding it aloft, he let it unfurl before them all to a small cheer again only from Uryu, Chad and Orihime.

Reaching into the bag he pulled out a second small zip lock pouch and slid it open, pulling out a three inch long quarter inch wide Splif.

Resealing the bag he sat down and put it between his lips and held out his hand for the lighter which was being held that week by Chad who mutely dropped it into his hand.

Lighting the twist he drew in a lung full; getting the mix lit before handing it over to Rukia, who sat there holding it by the middle as he exhaled slowly sending up a cloud of blue tinged smoke.

'Uhhh, Ichigo'

The orange haired youth turned to her eyebrows raised.

'Hm what?'

'What do I do' she quizzed

Ichigo sighed, 'Put it in your mouth and suck on it'

Ikkaku, Renji and Yumichika all burst out laughing at the statement, this caused Rukia to blush crimson.

Following his orders she put the joint between her lips and sucked in a deep lung choking toke.

Ichigo watched the cherry on the end of the splif glow as she drew in the narcotic mix.

'Whoa ok slow down, not to much ya don't want to whitey on us'

Rukia sat there as Ichigo took the joint from her hand and passed it onto the other three Shinigami who all followed Rukia's example.

It was almost two minuets before Ichigo and the others realised they were still holding their breath.

'Shit, you are allowed to breath out ya know'

Rukia violently exhaled, almost white from lack of oxygen.

Between heaving breaths Renji gasped out, 'You...never...said...to'

By the time it got back to Ichigo the joint was down to the Roach.

Flicking it away he reached into the bag once more and pulled out a second joint.

'Ok now that the newb's have been baptised time to kick things up a little'

Chad chuckled and Uryu grinned both beginning to feel a tiny niggle of a buzz.

Ikkaku leapt to his feet as Ichigo Finished his sentence and roared at the rest in a bid to gain their attention; as he opened his mouth to speak he let out a resounding fart and dropped to a seated position burning with embarrassment.

The group roared with laughter as Ichigo lit up the second joint of the evening and passed it around.

Emboldened by their first triumph, the Shinigami once again claimed a massive amount of this joint.

so it was once again much to Ichigo's chagrin down to a minuscule amount by the time it made it to him.

As the evening progressed Ichigo watched in amusement as every one became more and more relaxed and uninhibited, by the ninth joint the mixes were extremely potent and as Yumichika took a long lingering drag on it, his eyes rolled up into his head and keeled over backwards unconscious.

Leaping to his feet, Uryu cried out 'And Yumichika is down, and as such under the rules of the SESH-O-RAMA the women of the group get to decide his fate'

Uryu leant in close to Rukia 'Please make it something good, Orihimes are awful'

a huge grin spread across Rukia's face as she advanced on Yumichika.

As the evening wore on the others were beginning to really feel the effects of the Drugs.

Ikkaku was perched on top of the air intake vent, a rag in either hand Rubbing at his balled pate to the Chant of 'Wax on, Wax off' as he rubbed on his head in turn left to right with the rhythm of the chant.

* * *

><p>Chad cast his demure gaze around the group, his stare bouncing from one member to the next, he cast his gaze on the person sat to the right of Renji he leant forwards gazing intently at the man who sat there.<p>

He began to crawl forwards slowly until he was twelve inches away from who he saw sat there, leaning forwards once more he came nose to nose with himself, raising his hand slowly he moved to poke the cheek of his double; as Chad's oversized digit made contact with the fellows cheek its burst into a shower of brightly coloured confetti.

letting out a startled yelp Chad scrambled away and curled into a ball against the railings as a six foot purple rabbit hopped out of the perfectly halved section of Chad's torso and exited the roof via the stairs.

The others simply stared as Chad's sat there rocking slowly back and forth pointing every so often and mumbling incoherently.

Ichigo sat there shrugged and passed the joint on to Uryu who sucked on it greedily, feeling the hot smoke worm its way down into his lungs then handed the joint to Renji who by now had by now a massive grin plastered across his face.

As he leant forwards to pass the joint to Rukia, his eyes widened in fear, he began scrambling backwards using his hands and feet to push himself faster and faster, babbling insane excuses for what he was doing.

'Sorry, I'm sorry it wasn't my decision they made me do it' he bawled out as the image of Captain Byuakua Kuchiki advanced towards him, then as suddenly as his Ravings started, they stopped as the Captain stood before him began to gyrate and dance to some inaudible tune whilst doing a rather provocative strip tease.

Ichigo and Uryu burst out laughing as they watched Renji stand up and begin to dance and strip in time with what he was seeing.

* * *

><p>Now the group was down to just five functioning members.<p>

Reaching in to the bag once more, another joint was produced and consumed by the five teens; as the last of it vanished Rukia began to giggle Furiously as it took full effect. Leaping to her feet she began run up and down the roof top shedding clothing as she made a complete lap.

By her ninth lap her bra and panties flew in opposite directions and she sped past the two boys naked as the day she was born.

Orihime watched as Rukia sped past and cocked her head to the side; staring in amazement, 'For some one so small and as old as she is she has a really cute bum'

Uryu and Ichigo stared at one another once more and rolled about in peels of laughter.

Orihime looked at the two confused and defensively stated 'But she does'.

This only made them laugh all the more. While Tatsuki sat there stunned and gawped at Orihime.

'Well if that's how your going to be then I'm going to ride my unicorn' with that she closed her eyes and began to hum to herself while she swung her leg over the railing and rode it like a horse.

Tatsuki fearing the worst went to get up and go to Orihime to try and tempt her down; but suddenly as if hit buy some unknown force flew several feet sideways.

She looked up to see a ninja dressed head to toe in black with a tight fitting hood come running at her. Tatsuki leapt into action blocking and returning the punches and kicks, looking to all the world like a Bruce lee extra.

Uryu and Ichigo watched this for a few minuets enjoying the spectacle of Tatsuki in open combat with thin air.

* * *

><p>Ichigo and Uryu shrugged again and sparked up another joint passing it between them.<p>

As that one died and they sparked up another, Ichigo froze, leapt to his feet, then sprinted off through the door on the other side of the roof screaming in Denial.

'EVEN HERE I CANT ESCAPE HIM, HE'S A PSYCHOPATH'

AS Ichigo fled through the school Kenpachi's face appeared out of every doorway, followed by the line 'Ichigo come out and fight me'.

Running blind with fear, Ichigo ran square into what he saw as the boulder sized fist of Kenpachi but was in fact one of the floor supporting pillars and knocked himself unconscious.

Back on the roof Uryu lay back puffing contentedly on a joint and smiled muttering to himself, 'No one out tokes a Quincy'.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**As always read and review and if you want any more let me know I have a bunch of ideas floating around and some from my brother involving Mayuri and shroom's and Yamamotto and a Man-kini.**

**;-P**


	2. Chapter 2

THE PUNISHMENT

BLEACH

Yumichika woke with a groan, his head was pounding, as he tried to lick his lips to put some moisture back into them he found his tongue coated with a what felt like a fuzzy cotton wool slime.

He shuddered and rose unsteadily to his feet, he groaned as he pushed himself upright.

Strangely he felt extremely unsteady; lifting his arm to rub his head in an attempt to soothe his pounding headache, he found he couldn't move it more than few inches, glancing down all he saw was beige.

He screamed.

'Wah, dear god, no please no'

He tried to walk, but simply began to tilt forwards, as his centre of gravity shifted he began to roll, bumping off railings and duct works, he came to rest against the short set of steps leading off the roof.

As his eyes refocused now his face was no more than seventeen inches from the door he saw a note taped to it.

_Dear._

_Yumichika._

_Welcome to your punishment; as we said yesterday evening there are a set of rules for the sesh, the main one being, the person who passes out first is subject to a punishment dealt out by the women present. unfortunately for you, yours was handled by Rukia, I will say now that I had no hand in this; having been shall we say to far gone to participate or pretty much care what she had decided to do, any ways the challenge that follows is a simple one._

_As you have no doubt noticed and if you haven't this is going to shock you silly, your not in you Gi gai._

* * *

><p>Yumichika looked down and screamed as he realised what he was in.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Yes that's right, your inside the Rubber sumo wrestler from the mall, we nicked it when you passed out.<em>

_Your own Gi gai is with one of us, find it if you can_

* * *

><p>Yumichika tried in vain to force his way out of the sumo wrestler body he was ensnared in.<p>

* * *

><p><em>One thing you have no doubt noticed, is that you will find it almost impossible to get out of that form, Urahara kindly saw to that for us, he is very much into practical jokes, hmm, any ways have fun dude.<em>

_A final note if you don't get out of it by 3:00 Tuesday your stuck in it for a year, again Rukia's idea not mine._

_Good luck, _

_you need it_

_Ichigo_

* * *

><p><em>AN_

_I know this is monster short jut an update I couldn't include in the main section without killing it dead_

_Again if anyone has any ideas they want to see included let me know._

_Again my main two are _

_Mayuri on Shrooms, and Yamamoto in a Pink Man-kini (think about it)_


	3. Chapter 3

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

Ichigo stared as Rukia made her way towards Yumichika's unconscious form.

The way she approached the poor bastard reminded Ichigo of a spider closing in on its prey.

'Yumichika' she tapped his cheeks lightly, 'Yumichika' tapping it more forcefully, 'OI PRICK' and full palm slapped him round the face splitting his lip and leaving a massive red palm print.

Turning to Ichigo she looked at him and grinned, 'He is out cold, this is going to be FUNNNNNNNNNN' she said in a manic singsong voice, her eyes widened in a sudden revelation, gasping she practically spazed out in desperation to verbalise her idea, 'sumo, sumo, sumo, sumo' she stuttered over and over pointing to Yumichika's oblivious form.

Chad was the first to catch on to what she was babbling on about, and calmly and deliberately made plans against him, 'I think what our pixie faced psycho is trying to say is, does any one remember that over sized rubber sumo wrestler in the mall that we passed on our way here' there were nod's of ascension all round with Orihime over exaggerating hers to such an extent she almost head butted her own chest, 'Well I think if I am reading this right we or more correctly she wants to switch out Yumichika's Gi Gai with the sumo wrestler, after that I am kinda lost as to what's next'

Rukia by this point was manically nodding affirmative's and bouncing up and down, if she had started to Foam at the mouth no one would have been surprised, Ichigo scratched his head, and then shrugged, 'It's better than Orihimes idea to put make up on him and make him into a woman, he's already half way there.

lets do it, Chad I am afraid this is going to be all on you that thing is to heavy for any of us to manage'

Chad gave his trademark thumbs up.

As they clambered to their feet Uryu spoke up, 'I think one of us should wait here to make sure he doesn't wake up while we are gone'

Ichigo nodded in agreement, 'OK Uryu you wait here and keep an eye on sleeping ugly there' all he received in reply was a small curt nod of the head, Orihime sensing her chance offered to wait with him.

* * *

><p>As the group stealthily made their way down the corridors, Uryu lit another joint and took a deep long drag then, passed it Orihime who in one fell swoop drained the rest and flicked away the roach watching it curl over the edge of the roof.<p>

* * *

><p>they reached the corner of the street without incident, mostly, half way out the school gates Renji thought he was a monkey and decided to swing from tree to tree only to crash on to the roof of a BMWZ4 and cause the alarm to blare out disturbing the neighbourhood, this in turn made the entire group scramble away like frightened dogs.<p>

As they stood milling round on the corner trying to remember where they were going, Ichigo sparked up another joint and began puffing on it trying to think, Rukia began tugging on his sleeve, 'Come on this way, this way'

_'The weed is affecting her more than I thought, she is behaving like a twelve year old'_

he thought to himself as he was dragged off in the direction she was going.

The others seeing this display of out of character weirdness tagged along at a respectful distance.

Renji grumbled to himself about Rukia being his and no one else's although all of them knew that was a load of horse shit.

Reaching the mall three hours after they left the roof, they began their search for the elusive Sumo wrestler of Level three.

* * *

><p>Back on the roof Yumichika was still out cold, while Uryu was still puffing on a joint while relieving his over stressed bladder in the corner away from where they all sat.<p>

Orihime crept up behind him and darted around his left side trying in desperation to catch a glimpse of Uryu's sausage.

'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ORIHIME' Uryu screamed as he frantically finished his business and tucked himself away.

In as whiny a voice as she could manage, while rubbing the toe of one shoe on the floor, pouting at Uryu she retorted, 'I was only curious, others have said things and I wanted to see for myself if it was what they said it was'

'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, WHAT HAVE PEOPLE SAID'

'well, people have said that since you got your powers back your Bows gotten bigger and the arrows have gotten wider, so I just wanted to see for myself, if it had really gotten any bigger'

Uryu sighed in exasperation, 'Orihime you are such an air head, they didn't mean my penis, they literally meant my bow; Jesus Christ look.'

Ishida brought his bow humming to life.

The compressed energy danced through it like ethereal fire, drawing back on the bow he formed one of the arrows and both were indeed larger than the original, by quite a high margin.

Standing there stunned Orihime pointed and screamed at him.

Grabbing a broken piece of railing, she charged, screaming all the while about giant blue spiky aliens eating her friend.

Falling backwards in an attempt to avoid her wild swinging, Ishida managed to get one foot up and plant it firmly between Orihimes breast and hold her at bay.

This was, while still managing to maintain a drawn bow and not have a bolt of compressed spirit energy wildly fly off through the air.

* * *

><p>They ran through the mall like monkeys on crack, Ichigo yelling like a pregnant woman giving birth, while Rukia hammered on ahead sounding like a Olympic athlete closely followed by Ikkaku and Renji<p>

Chad lumbered along the oversized Rubber sumo wrestler balanced over his head as he ran, As they passed the boutiques and shops on level three the chorus strains of Stand alone by God Smack could be heard in the distance, Chad started to laugh almost dropping the sumo dummy over the balcony edge; as he watched himself reflected in the windows running in time with the music.

Although in Chad's head he seemed to be running faster than anything on two feet, he was very quickly being left behind by the others, and as he turned to see where the they were the point was very securely hammered home, as an old woman on a mobility scooter sailed past him leaving Chad and a soft electric whine in her wake.

Chad brow furrowed in confusion as he watched the o.a.p speed on ahead of him, then he ran on as Ichigo and the others reached the Exit calling for him to hurry up, bells had begun to chime and mall security was charging after almost upon him as he carried on running.

Seeing them in the windows reflection, Chad mentally shrugged and planting one foot on the brass railing, jumped from the landing, sailing past onlookers astonished to see a seven foot Mexican and a giant rubber sumo wrestler plummet to the ground below, Landing on his feet Chad bounded away leaving a trail of stunned people and security personnel behind them.

* * *

><p>They arrived at Uraharas shop, just as the sun began to dip in the western sky, Ichigo who by now was on his seventeenth joint of the evening walked up and kicked the door in.<p>

'Hat and Clogs, get you wrinkled blonde ass out here we need you'

Urahara appeared from behind the counter of his shop and walked over to Ichigo, 'Well isn't this a surprise, I hope you know you owe me a door' he said with out batting an eye lid.

'And you owe me' Ichigo grumbled jabbing his finger into Kiskue's chest, his head lolling about like a marionette without the strings.

'And why is that'

Urahara smirked barely containing his amusement at Ichigo's current state.

'Because I, didn't shag your cat, even though it wanted me to' Uraharas eyes shot open at that, and as he stepped to the side his sword appearing in his hand as the cane dissolved Ichigo keeled over falling flat on his face out cold, snoring loudly into the wooden floor.

Shrugging Urahara turned to the others as Rukia stepped forth and began to explain the situation.

Twenty minuets and nine joints later a thoroughly stoned Kiskue charmed and bound the Sumo wrestler sending Tessai to retrieve Yumichika from the school roof top.


	4. Chapter 4

UGH, BEANSPROUTS

With Yumichika safely stowed inside his New Gigai the others made their way back up to the roof, Ichigo wandered around looking for Uryu and Orihime but was not able to find them in the immediate vicinity of the door.

As they all sat down to enjoy a quiet chat and let the previous load run through their system, the night was cut into buy a wailing cry, 'SOME BODY FUCKING HELP MEEEEEEEE'

they leapt to their feet as one and charged in the direction of the scream, Ichigo slapping his badge to against his chest sending him out of his body zangetsu at the ready.

Passing the last section of piping they stopped dead in their tracks stunned into silent wonder at what they saw.

Uryu was flat on his back, bathed in the blue aura of his bows energy, straining to keep the now critically charged, arrow from firing and causing another Hiroshima, all the while he was keeping a whiled eyed salivating Orihime from staving in his skull with the piece of steel tubing she was brandishing.

'Give me back my friend evil spikey blue monster, you shall not eat Ury wooie'

They looked at one another collectively, even Uryu stopped his wriggling stunned by the pet name.

'Ury wooie, Ury wooie did I just hear that'

Rukia turned to Ichigo who simply shrugged, then turned her attention back to the spectical in front of them.

* * *

><p>His foot was pinned between her pendulous breasts as she wildly swung the pipe at his face.<p>

His leg sagged under the strain of her relentless onslaught, lowering her only fractionally, every one watched in horror as the pipe came down and connected with a Gut wrenching crunch to the side of Uryu's nose.

Blood poured from his now mangled nose as he wailed in pain.

Running forwards Renji managed to grab Orihime round the waist, arms and legs flailing in all directions as she continued to try and beat the Alien to death.

Then as Renji dragged her away her flailing suddenly stopped as if some one turned her off,she hung limp and lifeless in his arms, scared to death and petrified he had killed her Renji dropped Orihimes limp lifeless form and watched as she bounced landing chest first on the tarmac roof.

Seeing her bounce as she landed Ikkaku burst out laughing, sending all present into a Gail force fit of laughter; the laughter slowly ebbed and died off as they filtered back to where they had previously stood six hours earlier, dragging a brazier out from the storage cupboard under the stairs they filled it with any scrap paper or cardboard they could find as well as the kindling piles they found stacked neatly in the back of the cupboard and in no time had a incandescent orange fire filling the roof top with a warm glow.

As they sat around the brazier talking about what ever popped into their heads, Ichigo

once again passed round the bag, 'Ok three second dip take what ever you grab then once every one has one we light them together and do what's known as dead lung, you draw the whole spliff in on one pull and hold for as long as possible the first to breathe out loses'

The group moved as one, seemingly as if they were one person, the seven teens around the glowing fire al leant forward and lit their respective joints then as a soft inrushing of air sounded they all drew in the heady narcotic mixture and held.

Time seemed to slowdown for them as they held their breath the warming smoke billowing in their lungs.

* * *

><p>Urahara sat there his eyes wide as saucers, hair standing on end as if he had stuck his finger in a plug socket, he sat there staring at the rotund form infront of him, he tapped it with his cane and watched it wobble, causing him to giggle.<p>

He tapped it again giggling more so as he watched it wobble back forth infront of him.

Perched on a stack of boxes Yoruichi watched him fascinated, she had never seen Kiskue act like this before, raising her paw she began to clean herself whilst watching him.

'You know, you should probably get Tessai to walk him back to them I assume he is to wake up on the roof not your shop where they are going to hide the Gigai'

Urahara jumped out of his skin, when Yoruichi started talking, for a moment he had forgotten she wasn't actually a cat, as he watched her she morphed back into her human form and sat on the box in front of Kiskue, legs crossed over one another, completely naked, as Urahara watched her intently she blushed, 'Mind handing me my robe, its kinda chilly like this'

standing up Urahara walked over and picked up the robe, then in a state of near catatonic shock handed it to her, staring at her pert round breasts as he did so, smirking Yoruichi jiggled them intentionally as she slipped on her robe.

Kiskue's already drug fuddled mind simply imploded when she did so, and with a look of sheer satisfaction on his face he keeled over backwards groaning to himself as he muttered, 'Boobies, boobies, little nipples, little pink nipples' sitting bolt up right he yelled 'BOOBIES' before collapsing backwards once more.

Yoruichi, cocked her eyebrow as she climbed to her feet and Sashed off into another part of the shop.

* * *

><p>Everyone sat in the circle staring at one another, Rukia was slowly tingeing purple, while Renji was beginning to rock back and forth his vision blurring and starting to tunnel as he continued to hold his breath.<p>

Ikkaku was beginning to turn a pale blue his vision all but black as he started to pass out.

Ichigo and Uryu both sat there and shrugged at one another as they watched the others slowly succumb to oxygen starvation.

Tatskui was the first to drop making a dull thump as she keeled over quickly followed by Ikkaku then Renji, with a voluminous out rush of air, Chad, Ichigo Uryu and Rukia all exhaled as they revelled in their victory over the others.

Rukia glanced at her watch looking at the now unconscious Tatsuki and nodded to Ichigo who sat there looking a little perplexed.

'Time to go' was her only reply as she stood and promptly fell on her butt, poking Renji in the side she managed to get the monster mashed Shinigami upon his feet, 'GO wake up Orihime' she shouted at Renji jabbing her arm in the direction of the unconscious woman.

Standing Renji ambled over to her and jabbed her repeatedly with his foot,this failing he grabbed a stick from the floor and continued poking her, Ichigo mean while was doing cartwheels round the roof proclaiming 'ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP, ROAD TRIP' as he reached his terminal velocity he suddenly flipped into the air twisting to land on his feet, producing a large pink box covered in Chappi the rabbit paper. Dancing to a stop infront of Rukia he plopped the package in her lap.

'Don't open it until we get back to the Seireitei ok'

she mutely nodded surprised by the sudden show of affection.

Ikkaku, twisted on the floor suddenly sitting upright, staring around him he shouted 'Ahhhhhh Arrancar' and passed out again, everyone looked at the prostrate man and shrugged returning to what they were doing.

Unnoticed by all Tatsuki climbed to her feet and wandered off returning home, her body completely on auto pilot even with her eyes closed, when she awoke sixteen hours later she remembered nothing of what happened, and wouldn't for six days afterwards.

Chad stood and wandered over to, Rukia and Ichigo who by now were nose to nose staring intently at one another, 'What about Yumichika', Ichigo quickly glanced at the seven foot Mexican and grinned 'I'll write a note and stick it to the door for when he wakes up, scatter a few clues about town for me would you Chad to make it a little easier for him', Chad nodded and set off on his task, grabbing Uryu by his shirt collar and dragging him off with him feet bouncing off the floor.

'You can help me'

Uryu screamed unintelligible protests as he was dragged further and further away by the unstoppable force that was Sado Yasatora.

* * *

><p>They all stood in front of the Senkaimon, gazing up, Rukia giggled in anticipation of returning home, Ikkaku stood there bored as ever his Zanpakto resting sheathed on his shoulder, he idly scratched his backside as he stood and waited, Chad stood there with a still unconscious Orihime draped over his shoulder.<p>

Standing there Orihime squirmed on his shoulder, suddenly going rigid she threw her arms forwards shouting, 'Ugh BEAN SPROUTS before going limp again, Renji stared at the woman deeply confused and once again worried he had done her some serious harm, but deciding he hadn't poked her again with his stick.

Uryu handed Ichigo another joint and the two puffed away on them before Ichigo decided he was bored of waiting and booted Rukia in the rear sending her careening through the gate into soul society.

The others taking this as a cue to go walked through without the extra assistance awarded to Rukia.

'You know she is going to kill you for that' Ichigo shrugged then grinned at the Quincy, 'Yeah but she is hot when she's angry it's worth it'

Uryu stood dumbstruck by the Substitutes words as he watched the young man wander of through the gate.

None present could imagine what havoc they were about to unleash on the unknowing populace of the Seireitei.


End file.
